ACCIDENTAL

Accidental Nostalgia (2005)

This album is available on iTunes.

Credits

Jim Findlay, Jeff Sugg, Maria Ventura (vocals)
Curtis Hasselbring (guitar, trombone)
Cynthia Hopkins (accordion, guitar, saw, vocals)
Kristin Mueller (drums)
Josh Stark (bass)
Philippa Thompson (violin, guitars, spoons)
Karen Waltuch (viola)
Recorded by Karl Meyer and Chad Clark
Mixed and Mastered by TJ Lipple at Silver Sonya, Arlington VA

Lyrics

1. Outrun Your Demons

I tried to outrun my demons,
but they snuck around the back way and headed me off at the curve
in a fierce ambush
I may as well have balanced a bucket of water on the head of a pin
because to shed your demons you’d have to shed your own skin
so if there’s a way out of my skin
I’d like to know just what it is
I want a new language and a new tongue, a new strategy
cuz I tried to outrun my demons
it was like trying to catch a dark cloud with a butterfly net
it was like trying to walk across freshly fallen snow without leaving tracks
cuz the past has a way of coming back
so I’m gonna get to know these little demons
so I can know where they end and I begin
I’m gonna peel back that fine line
that divides me from my mind
if there’s a way out of my skin
I’d like to know just what it is
I want a new language and a new tongue, a new strategy

2. Mystery Without the Murder

well I used to wanna turn back the hands of time
to fix the past and find peace of mind
I used to wanna see you dead and gone
but now I don’t care if you’re dead or alive
cuz I don’t need you for my peace of mind anymore
so there’s no dead body, there’s no blood and gore
there’s no happy ending, there’s no Hollywood
this ain’t no tragedy, this ain’t no romance
this is a long love-letter to my future self
to remind her that she don’t need to cry anymore
no I don’t need you
I’ve got my own way of making sense of who I am today
and I don’t want to know
what effect you had on me, there’s something else I’m gonna be
that’s got nothing to do with you, honey!

3. I'll Be Gone

“The chair. There was a chair in the hospital room where my mother lay dying. I used to sit in that chair and sing songs to her. Shortly thereafter, she died. Two weeks later my sister and I, my sister and I ran away from home, and we tried to support ourselves travelling around the country performing little songs we would write. Here’s a little number we used to do called ‘I’ll be Gone'”
don’t look for me, Daddy, I will be gone
I’m tired of you treating me wrong
but don’t you worry your mind over me
I’ve got a plan for setting you free
you deserve a rest from doing me wrong
so I’ll lift your burdens and then I’ll be gone
there’s just some wounds that will never heal
yes there are scars that re-shape your skin
a tattoo tear, a side-ways heart
a scar that turns into who you are
now you can leave that scar alone
or else you can spin your wheat into gold
so don’t look for me, Daddy, I will be gone
I’m tired of you treating me wrong
I’ll cut your throat and leave you to bleed
I’ll set you free from all of your needs
you deserve a rest from doing me wrong
so I’ll lift your burdens and then I’ll be gone

4. If I Let It (Go By)

with the bells keeping track of the time
and the wind blowing through my mind
I wanna dance to the rhythm of all
all the sounds I’ve ever heard
if I couldn’t record it
it would hurt me just to hear it
I wanna rail against imperminence…
I wanna dance until I forget myself!
I wanna dance until I’m totally worn out!
well everything changes and nothing ever lasts
the only way to move on is to forget the past
so how come I wanna dance to the rhythm of all
all the things I’ve already done?
cuz without a record, you’re a slideshow without a screen
honey you’re a movie no one’s ever seen…
I wanna dance until I forget myself!
I wanna dance until I’m totally worn out!

5. Change Your Mind

no matter how far you go, no matter what you leave behind
what’s inside of your mind is the first thing that you’re gonna find
no sun’s gonna dry your eyes, no water’s gonna wash your sins
cuz the sun don’t shine on the source of your trouble, it’s deep within
you think you can leave it behind with your name
bury your heart and forget your pain
but those wounds are so deep, they’ve poisoned your bloodstream
yes, they’re so sunken in that you start to turn into them
you can look far and wide but you won’t change what you find
until you change your mind–
oh, change your mind, change your mind, change your mind
oh, change your mind, change your mind, change your mind
oh, change your mind, change your mind, change your mind
oh, change

6. Swarm of Bees

“It was summer. I was lying on the bed, on top of the covers. I felt a touch on the inside of my leg. I opened my eyes. He was lying next to me, pushing himself against me and kissing my neck. I felt paralyzed, like in a dream where you try to run and your limbs are very heavy, like molasses. And I went numb. I remember looking over at the wallpaper and letting it fill my vision and numb my mind.”
and now the wonders of the world
are locked behind the glass-paned doors of
a fancy store I can’t afford to even window shop in on an idle afternoon…
“Because I had, like, a circuit breaker inside my mind. And I could just flip that switch and the little pink flowers on the wallpaper or the light on the ceiling with the fan swirling all around it would become a swarm of bees. We had a cherry tree in the yard and there were bees there and there were pink flowers on the wallpaper and there were bees there too and they became a swarm of bees filling my ears with buzzing and filling my field of vision and whiting out my body and whiting out my mind. And then I’d be floating inside that swarm of bees, hovering above the scene that was actually taking place.”
and that lovely swarm of bees
that had blocked out the sounds I didn’t want to hear
and filled my vision so I didn’t have to see
are blinding and deafening me…
to the wonders of the world
and all the things I’ve never seen
including all the beauty that’s in me

7. If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going

I was thinking to myself that it would be so much easier
to stay right where I am, and never find out the secrets
I had hidden from myself, and carefully avoided until now
to remain in darkness, where it’s safe and familiar
where I can be certain of success cuz I’m not taking any risks, but
if I don’t risk and I stay here I’ll remain in hell
instead of passing through it and so
I’m going to go into the fires of hell just to know
if it will lead me somewhere better than where I am…

and somewhere in me I knew the demons that I had hidden
were taking up all the room, and causing a suffocation
so for me to save my life I’d have to root those demons out
and go back to where they came from, come face to face and slay them
cuz you can’t fight an enemy until you go to where it is and recognize it’s there…
so I’m going to go into the fires of hell just to know
if it will make me stronger because
if I’m to scared and I stay here I’ll remain in hell
instead of passing through it to the other side, so…
I’m going back there!
I’m going to walk through!
that lonesome valley!
all by myself…

8. Refrain's the Same

well the words are different but the tune’s the same
my whole damn life it’s been a crying shame
tripping over the same damn rock instead of kicking it outta my way
I must have rocks instead of a brain
I make the same mistakes again and again
I get outta trouble just to get back in
so the days keep passing but they let me be
it’s like I’m arrested but the world is free
it’s like the whole world’s moving all except for me
no matter how I try I keep finding a reason to cry
cuz the verses change but the refrain stays the same
my amnesia must be the cause of it all
I keep doing the things I’ve done before
and then I act surprised when they keep on making me sad
I keep wearing the shoes that pinch my feet
I keep eating the junk that makes me sick
I keep stepping in the mess I’ve made instead of cleaning it up
I forget which way the bad luck lies
and how I got hurt when I played with fire
so I go back to it like a moth right to a flame
I’m a loser at this game, cuz I can’t keep track of the cards I’ve played
so the verses change but the refrain stays the same

9. Cover Me with Your Darkness

cover me with your darkness so no one will see my sins
lay your hands upon me darling, and hold me down til I forget
wrap your fingers around my neck
and squeeze out my poisoned breath upon the bed
I’ve come to you because you seem willing
to lay your burdens on my back
I was brought up like a mule, never learned to see the sun
cuz I was taught to always look down instead of up
but I’ve found my own way to pull diamonds from the rough
and pull little bluebells and weeds out of the dust
it’s very easy to find men who’ll squeeze you dry and use you up
it’s very easy to find bad luck
and the best way to believe you have control is to self-destruct
and if you’ve been told that you deserve it, then you might look for punishment
it’s a story that’s as old and as boring as violence
cuz I was brought up a good Christian, and just like Job and Abraham
I was taught to always bend low and simply take it
but I’ve found my own way to wrench blood from a stone
and turn a mountain of pure wheat into pure gold
so cover me, cover me, cover me, cover me with your darkness
cover me, cover me, cover me with your darkness
cover me with your darkness so the light won’t show my sins

10. Sweet Pretty Lies

I tried to move in straight lines
but now I’ve come to find those are the way the evil spirits lie
I’ll scatter crumbs instead of stones
so birds will come and take the traces of my path away
I’ve seen the truth, I’ve even held it in my hands
but I’m ready for the future now that I’ve seen the past
I’ve had my revelation, now I’m ready for some sweet pretty lies
so I’ll tear up this diary
and I’ll scatter the pieces so they’ll blow back into oblivion
I’ll move in circles long and strange
and build a wall behind me to throw those evil spirits off my trail
if you look out your window you know I’ll be gone
to a new land of sweet pretty lies

11. Map of Oblivion

consciousness depends upon the past and present intertwining
synapses connecting what has been with what is and will be
but in me there’s something missing, secrets hidden in between
ruining the fantasy that all these fragments add up to a picture of me
but I’m not in the mood to fight it–I’ll let it take over me
just to see where it may lead me, I’ll fall back into the arms of
O-B-L-I-V-I-O-N
I wanted a map of my life, drawn in lines as clear as day
I had faith that science would explain how I turned into who I am
but how can I have confidence when every clue leads me astray?
I wanted an explanation, instead I’ve found endless tangents lead me back to
O-B-L-I-V-I-O-N

12. Peel Away the Layers

mother:
and so I’ll peel away the layers
and I’ll make them into a book
and I’ll give it to you
so you can make it into a movie
and I’ll be a silver screen
I’ll be a little gleam in the corner of your eye
all salt and all settled down
I’ll lay beneath the cold ground but
I’ll still be kicking around
inside the pages of my big fat book
I’d like to take a lock
of your baby hair
and put it in my book
so you will end up in your movie
and I’ll be the fire inside
the tears falling from the audience’s eyes
ashes become fertile ground
I won’t be making a sound
but I’ll be all written out
inside the pages of my big fat book
(and inside your mind
dear and most beloved reader
strangers and of course you, my daughter)
daughter:
and I’ll read them
until I
know them by heart
and I’ll make them into
a movie of your life
so the people will
weep tears of joy
and then they’ll know
who you were
when they see my movie
I’ll make it a beautiful
psy-cho-dra-ma
and a biography
I’ll make it a thriller, too
but I’ll give it a
twisted ending
and you will live
on and on
inside of
my movie

13. Accidental Nostalgia

if I’m going to get a new skin
and try to begin again
I’m going to have to shed
the one I’ve got on, the one I’ve got on
why when it’s caused me such pain
am I afraid to say
goodbye to all that I used to be?
cuz a sacrifice is a sacrifice
even when it’s a sacrifice of pain and suffering
it’s like sliding down a slippery slope
and there’s no ground, there’s nothing but hope
so heeeeeeeeere I go!
naaaaaaaaaaked as the day I was booooorn, oh no!
so suddenly there is this
new surprising kind of sadness
a heartache of a snake
shedding its skin, shedding its skin
why is it a fearful thing
to leave where I have been
when it will be better where I’m going?
cuz a loss is a loss
even when it’s a loss of pain and suffering
it’s like a nostalgia that is accidental
from the safety of pain to unknown terrain
so heeeeeeere I go!
naaaaaaaaked as the day I was booooooooorn, oh no!

14. Nothing But the Passing of Time

I don’t know the meaning of good-bye in a world full of ghosts
so instead of good-bye I will raise my glass in a toast
not to where I’ve been, but to where I’m going
maybe in the desert, maybe in the ocean
maybe in the sunshine, maybe in the shadows
maybe in a dreamland, or maybe with nothing but the passing of time

Lyrics